Personal Journal #2

I originall wrote this note on Facebook, April 13, 2011. Since I've had an exceptionally good day, I thought I'd try to update this blog a bit. I even managed to work on three scrap pages about my son's fourth birthday ten days ago! My little family has been blessed in a hundred different ways in the past few weeks. Monetarily, we won't have to worry about medical bills for a little while -- awesome! There are hundreds of people praying and/or keeping in touch daily. I have so much support..... I hope everyone knows exactly how much I appreciate all the little things each day. It's just astounding!

I was given an extra week off of chemo to get rid of some side effects, and it seems to be working. It also means I hope to post at least one of the pages I've been working on; maybe even a project page. I thought I'd create my own album of things that make me happy/keep me going/I want to accomplish. I plan on continuing to live in every meaning of the word. For now, here's the post:

This post might be short. It might also be disjointed. My homebound day of chemo has given me the yucks.... But I keep thinking of Aunt Carol.

Aunt Carol lived a long life. I admit, we all would have loved to see her live another 25-30 years. She lived long enough to become a teacher, a wife, a mother, an aunt, a grandmother, a great-aunt, a protector, a cheerleader, a cook book writer....She's another in my family who started with one cancer, only to develop a second; but I'm going to wriggle my two toes in De Nile cuz I don't need to go there.

She was also the only person on this rock who got away with calling me, "Annie." I don't know why. She was Aunt Carol. She got to call me Annie. Anyone else was glared at or otherwise corrected. Maybe it was my fascination with her hair. She knew how to work her hair!

I always looked forward to the insanely long drive to Vermillion to see Aunt Carol, Uncle Leroy and their three beautiful kids. To be clear, I also looked forward to seeing my Uncle Tom, Aunt Pat and their crazy-fun five children. Vermillion always rocked, but I digress.

I stated earlier, I have the yucks today. Each time I've been tempted to fall into it and host a pity party I hear, "Now, Annie, is this really what you want to do? Isn't there something else more fun you'd rather try?" Yes, Aunt Carol, for you, today, I will try. I'll even be a good girl and nibble on my banana bread.

In addition to living for Aunt Carol, I thought I'd share a bit from yesterday. Baby's First Chemo, if you will. For the first 2 1/2 hours everything was awesome. I was cocky. Sally hooked me up. I looked at my lap and yelled, "Die! Die! Die you worthless scum!" Because, you know, cancer may not have a brain, but can evidently follow direction; even if it means it's own demise. After the first couple hours, my tongue wouldn't form all the sounds it should. Nor would my body stop making small twitches and muscle spasms. My right arm wasn't sure about this whole put-hand-under-soap-dispenser-and-wash concept. For several hours yesterday, I was not invincible. I hated it; but at least I know now. Today, I'm currently just yucky in the tummy and so very tired. After this, I doubt I'll be very social and I'm okay with that. I'm telling myself I'll be ready to rock with my 11 days off soon. Just get through today.

And on that note, see ya!