Quitting Facebook (The World Won't Fall Apart)

So, confession time? If I could actually live in Facebook, I probably would. I joined in 2009, connected with a core group of friends and haven't really logged off since. I'm not checking my feed while driving. I do get approximately eight hours of sleep each night. I do check Facebook within ten minutes of waking up each morning, virtually all day long and before I go to bed each night. I read local articles, shared in local groups, selective political blurbs, funny memes. I check on my beloved online friends to make sure they're okay. I update my husband on family activities, whenever relevant, because he doesn't log in unless absolutely necessary. It hasn't been "absolutely necessary" for years. He's proud of that. I admire him for that.

While I enjoy most of the time I spend on Facebook, it doesn't satisfy some part of my core that knows there is something more to life; that there is this real, tangible, thing known as life. After a day on Facebook, I don't feel the pride, and value, of accomplishment. I feel the regret of squandered opportunity.

Beyond the guilt, I feel wounded by hurtful generalizations. I feel angry because I see too many memes fueled by fear and hatred. I feel like giving up. I have learned that I love people more when I don't know about the darkness that has escaped from their hearts and flowed out of their pecking fingers. It's getting harder to look specific people in the eye and attempt to listen to them when we see each other again in the flesh. It's even worse in an election year. Everyone is so certain that they are right; everyone ends up being wrong.

I made a choice to remove myself from Facebook this year. While trying to decide how exactly I should follow through, I came to accept that a few specific groups, and people are still important to me, and my daily life. I couldn't just delete my account and lose them. I couldn't temporarily deactivate my account because I would lose my admin status and abilities. I can, however, remove the app from my devices whenever I want without consequences. Gradually increasing the duration of my absence allowed me to get used to the concept of having a life, and getting things done, at a rate I could handle.

I started in January, just Sundays. That was pretty easy. Sundays are busy days, especially when I'm healthy enough to be busy. I learned a couple valuable lessons.

1. I function beautifully without 24 hours of Facebook.
2. Nobody misses me when I'm gone that long. It was a valuable bit for my ego to acknowledge. I am not so fabulous that the world will end without me.

This will be the first full weekend (48 hours) that I will be off of Facebook. Late Saturday morning, I had a solid reminder of days long ago; when friends weren't just a text away. I couldn't just start typing away to get my friends' advice on some First World Crisis. I had to sit still and think things through on my own. I had to remember that, ultimately, I control my outcome. I'm responsible for handling my own problems. The world didn't fall apart.

I am also remembering how to entertain myself. This blog is actually part of that. I have always enjoyed writing. I'm a wordy gal.

Heard of FOMO? I learned about it thanks to Facebook. This weekend, I don't have it. I'm at peace while drawing imaginary friends with my son, helping my mom with cookies, getting The Boy's hair cut, going to church, ironing, boiling eggs, going to Mass.... I'm not worrying that we're not sky diving, attending festivals, and anything else you can imagine. I look forward to seeing the pictures Monday, but I'm not comparing myself to others today. Anxiety managed.

Don't misunderstand. The Boy is enjoying YouTube videos while I type right now. My husband is upstairs sleeping off a potential illness. We're not suddenly bonding all day long, and I'm okay with that, too. Four years ago, I worked hard to encourage independence and space because I was too sick from cancer and chemotherapy to be engaged in anything at all. Independence and space were necessary goals. But now, there's a happy relaxed layer of love to it all. I think we're going to be better for it.

Why Momma Needs Her Coffee

Good Tuesday Morning!  I started my day THUPER DEE DUPER early; like 2:30 AM early.  I'm having my twelfth or thirteenth scan today.  I'm thuper dee duper thpecial, so I also get extra steps in the preparation process. I am telling you, at this rate, I need a punch card or something.  I should get the next one free!


I digress, this wasn't my focus this morning.  Nor were the teleporting ants that are trying to take over my living spaces.  Seriously, I was JUST staring at that hugs blank wall and nothing was there.  HOW did an ant show up smack in the middle of it?!  If I stop blogging again, assume that those lil buggers carted me off to the looney bin for good.

Smell the flower (inhale)
Blow out the candle (exhale)
Repeat until the heebie jeebies stop.











Hi!  Howareya?  Welcome to my world!  Anyone care to talk about the Tooth Fairy?  Maybe pet rocks with their very own "robot" bodies?  Pet rocks might be a good idea.  The Tooth Fairy is still letting her story unfold.  These rocks, however, are living the dream, compared to the rocks I kept as a kid.  Seriously!  Check it!

So, yes.  The Boy still thinks there is a treasure map hiding somewhere within this rock.  Still, it needed a face.  Actually, it needed two faces.  It's an emotionally complex creature, as you can see.

And the robot suit!  I LOVE this suit.  He spent an hour carefully crafting it....after we tried to use oversized pipe cleaners with pitiful results.  This, however, he thought about and made completely independent of the DH and I.

Then, things got interesting.  Rocky needed a friend.  Meet Raquelle..  Her robot suit is in progress because I can't focus for longer than twenty minutes when building with Lego.  She might get hair before she gets a body.  Still, she and Rocky are getting along quite nicely.  I look forward to learning about (or participating in) their adventures for weeks (or months) to come.

As for my own adventures, I've got a couple of scrappy pages in progress right now.  One is a submission for Scrap the Boys.  The other has been inspired by the most recent sketch by Creative Scrappers.  With paper, I'm a happy camper.  Otherwise, I'm now officially tired and looking forward to a post-scan nap.

Getting My Groove Back

Good Monday Morning!

Happy Day After Mother's Day!

A Glorious Four Weeks Before Summer Vacation!  It's really glorious, either way you slice it.  For some, there are four glorious weeks of peace at home, before the wee ones hunker down and take over.  For others, there are ONLY four weeks standing between them and more time with their little angels.  No matter which camp you fall in with, enjoy them!

Want to know a secret?  It's really Friday.  I'm doing one of those pre-writes because a few technical ramblings are trying to become real thoughts.

1)  Woohoo!  I'm doing it!  I'm actually managing to post *something* each week.  This is awesome.  I just might be able to pull off a reasonable return afterall.



2)  Wow, I've got a lot of learning to do!  This one actually comes with sub-ramblings.  Yes, I said that.
**I have been cleaning up my blog subscriptions slowly but surely over the past few weeks.

**Some of my favorites stopped blogging approximately when I did.

**Some are still blogging strong, but my style and tastes have changed.

**I see that there are a few new ways to connect with readers -- subscription preferences.  I've added options to follow by email and have begun to explore Bloglovin.  Both options are to the right, if you prefer them more than the old Google subscription.

**I ditched Disqus.  I just felt like it.  As a result, I lost the only two comments I've received in the past few weeks.  That sucked.

** I REALLY want to learn how some people worked out those handy tabs at the top of their blogs.  I crave organization and blog tabs would make me ever so happy.



3)  It appears that I still love a good challenge, but it's harder for me to keep deadlines straight, so I'm working on adding a calendar to the right.  In this moment, it's a green tab that one can click, see what challenges piqued my interest, and perhaps join the fun.  If you are inspired by any you see on the list, you're welcome.  For now, understand that I know it looks unfinished.  I *just* started working on it today.  I haven't even added links to the challenge pages.

4) Periodically, I'm going to add a post about parenting.  I just like writing my thoughts in essay form.  If I think it might be worthwhile to share; or spark a conversation, I'm going to do so.

5)  Apparently, towels don't fold themselves, no matter how many times you train them.  How sad!

Talk About Rocks and Hard Places!

I can't decide if I'm:

A) The meanest mom ever, OR

B) A very loving mother who wants her child to feel inspired by possibility every single day.

See, there's this rock.

Much like his Momma, The Boy has a thing for collecting rocks.  Yesterday, he acquired this beauty somewhere at school.  He shared it with a classmate during recess and she returned it safely to him at the end of that break.  Cute, sweet, he's sharing and learning to trust others.  But the story doesn't end there.

The Boy and Classmate share some passion for adventure and possibility.  Upon her suggestion, he has been trying to find the treasure map secretly encoded on the surface of this rock for the past fifteen minutes.  He's carefully breathed on it.  He's given it a good bath.  He's held it up to the morning light.  I only see some really cool lines, but he thinks it might be part of the path for the treasure map.

At my core, I'm melting right now.  This is a magical age when anything can happen.  If you just believe hard enough, your dreams can come true.  It's wide-eyed wonder because everything clicks and there's SO much to learn and I just want him to be happy and optimistic and amazing forever.  It breaks my heart a little to know that at some point, solid realities will intervene and the magic won't be awe-inspiring.  He'll have to grow up; and worse, so will I.

That's not to say that I'm not mostly a grown up now.  I get the bills paid.  I get the people fed.  I keep CPS from knocking on our door.  I still seek out magic at every turn.  I pray for miracles and am truly thankful for ALL of my blessings.  Still, there's this one thing that NO ONE ever told me about parenting.  As he grows, I grow.  He has to learn how to survive and thrive as a human being -- the good and the bad -- and I have to let him.  I have to learn how to sit on my hands and watch the heartache develop and crush him.  I have to let him learn how to deal with it.  I can be there as support; to let him know that he's not alone, but he has to discover and develop the skills himself.

In this moment, I see that I have two options:

A) Start verbalizing (repeatedly, because he LOVES magic as much as I do) that it's just a rock; but we can find scientific reasons to love it, still. OR

B) While he's sleeping, I can try to paint a treasure map on this bugger and see what happens next.  Maybe we'll hunt for treasure in the backyard, because the map just happens to match it.  Maybe we find something amazing and have a memory of love to keep him going when he's a parent someday far from now.

I haven't decided, but it's going to be weighing heavy on my head and heart; even after I decide.

My Summer Wish List

Hello! Hi! Howareya?

I'm taking my advice and writing what I can, when I can. It's currently a sunny Sunday (late) afternoon and I just enjoyed a sneaky ice cream sandwich. It was good enough to make me think about Summer. We've still got five more weeks in the school year, but Summer is coming. Mixed emotions run high.

 Naturally, The Boy is living for Summer Vacation. He's becoming less cooperative each morning. Aside from seeing his friends and participating in the few favorite activities, he sees no good reason to get dressed and leave home. Having been a teacher in the past, I understand this feeling well. Truthfully, I see many advantages to the more relaxed routine that Summer brings.


* Neither of us have to leave our cozy beds before six in the morning.
* No dress code.

 Yep! That's a short list. His school participates in reading and math practice during vacation, so I will still have the daily joy of making him read, add, subtract, tell time, count money, consider place value, etc. He's good at both reading and math, he just doesn't like to think about them. That's our battle. Almost every day.

 Maybe this year the battle won't be so bad. The practice will only take 20-60 minutes each day (depending on the struggle). That still leaves several hours each day for the kind of fun that would make Phineas and Ferb proud.

So that brings me back to the ice cream sandwich and my dreams. What do I want to accomplish this Summer? It's probably a standard list....

1. Local Church festival -- We used to go each year.
2. Local City Festival -- We only went twice, but it was also fun.
3. Farmers Market -- every weekend, please?
4. Drive In theater --  I just want to check off of my parenting list that my kid fell asleep in the back seat.
5. Fourth of July fireworks-- We managed to attend a big family event last year, but didn't stay long (totally my fault).
6. Camping -- Aside from setting up the tent in the back yard for kicks and giggles, I would like to camp for three to five nights this year.
7. Fishing -- mainly I want to watch others fish, snap a few pics and maybe eat the cooked deliciousness.



These are just the activities I can pull off the top of my head. I've started a board on Pinterest, full of ideas to keep The Boy and I occupied daily. I'll probably flip through those in my yucky times and expand this list with potentially great tthings. That alone can improve my mood.  That is the secret wish, afterall.

Up and Down the Rabbit Hole

Hello! Hi! Howareya?

Okay, it's been many moons since I've made a post.  Wanna know how I can tell?  Yes, besides checking the date of my last post.... This here new Blogger setup has my eyes wanting to screw up and around.  I can rub my forehead and ask "WHY?!" or I can get over it.

I really did mean it when I last wrote of how badly I wanted to get back to blogging in general.  I'm just trying to figure out HOW to incorporate it into my everyday life.  It seems I've figured it out a bit today.  We can all thank this site and this site.

Why can we thank Scrapbook.com?  They hosted a kick-keester National Scrapbook Day on May 5th.  I was blessed by a good husband and loving MIL (who nabbed m'boy at the first syllable) so that I could participate in the day's activities.  And, I won a VERY awesome package.  It arrived on my doorstep this past Monday:

If you're a lover of crafty goodness, you probably know exactly how awesome this quick pic is.  In the bottom left is an art journal.  I was geeked because, two night prior to touching all this delight, I went down a rabbit hole of artsy/inky/painty/stencily wonder.  I decided I wanted to try this concept of art journaling.  I'm thinking that book was a sign that surely, I must!

And so I have!

This is one of the blank calendar pages in the album.  Initially, I used it to fill in important doctor's appointments, m'boy's school events, etc.  Then, the month progressed, but my cancer treatments did not.

For anyone who is just joining this blog in progress, here's the breakdown:

April 1, 2011, I learned I had stage four cancer.  Donkey balls, I know.
April 8, 2011, I had a plan of attack -- turned out to be about eight months of wicked chemo.
February 24, 2012, I got a brand new purty scar (named her Irene), as they removed the main tumor.
April 23, 2012, I returned to battle the remaining cancer with recommended radiation and chemo.

See that cute lil playing card with the seven?  That's how many treatments of radiation I've received so far.  I'm supposed to have 28.  Had the door never broken for two days; a flood not have wiped out the roads; and my whites and platelets stayed up, I would have received treatment number...seventeen today. 

*sigh*  I feel frustrated; but my doctor's don't.  That's what this page is mostly about.  With the prompt from A Year in the Life an Art Journal; I am trying to remember to bloom where I am planted.  I may have hit a brick wall in my progress.  I may have been told A LOT lately to Regressa, Ud. Manana (Come Back Tomorrow).  Damnit all if I'm not trying to bloom.  Monday, I helped my mother plant flowers around the house -- though not the ones on the page -- pretty salmon geraniums and impatients that glimmer in the sun.  Since then, I've been trying my hand at art.

And now, it is time to get m'boy from school and see what adventures he'd like to take on today.

As always, if you did, thanks for reading.

How will you bloom today?

GOOOOOOOOD News! And, I'm going to try again.

Hello!

I don't know if anyone actually still opens my blog when they see a new post on the roll. More than likely, you all wonder, "And who was this again? Why am I subscribed?" Chances are good we connected on some other spot and that's why we're both subscribers.

Anyway, I thought I'd try coming 'round again. I have good news. I have a whole lot less cancer than I did the last time I posted. I'm that much closer to being "me" again -- writing, crafting, photographing, etc. I have about a month before I start back in on chemo and radiation. I have a love for my crafty things. Earlier in the week, I started creating a little piece that I'd like to put on a card. I have a lot of thank you cards to create and send out. I also have several scrappy pages that need to be made. I have a love for paint, ink, stencils, daily planners, coffee, blueberries and exercise.

I may not always create something amazing, but when I started playing with my goodies this week, I started to feel that special brand of "alive." It felt good to let go and create -- no sketches, no rules, no attempts at seeking approval from anyone but myself. I rather like how it's turning out. I'd like to share, too.

So, I'm going to try. Today, I'm going to try finishing up that little piece with whatever I have and take a picture of it. I'm going to ask one of my friends for her address. I'm going to send it, as a card; then make another one.

After nearly two years of suffering and fear, it's time to have some fun again.

Spring is just around the bend. Let's see what comes.

Oh, P.S., for those of you who were linked to it: What happened to my beloved Bella Creations? I'm trying to root through old blogs for some answers.

Surprisingly Still Kicking!

Good Tuesday evening! Guess who's still alive and kicking?! Did you miss me? Did you forget who I was and why I'm appearning on your dashboard?

I miss blogging, too. It's the norm, now, that I have a set number of down days and a whole lotta up days; though I am still fighting cancer. I feel like I want to share tons of pictures and a few crafty moments; but I also want to give you an idea of what I've been doing for the past couple/few months.

In August, I went wig shopping. I call her Molly. She is beautiful, though likely ready for her first bath. I didn't know, prior to my appointment, that she requires special shampoo.... and that I need to keep her from heat. Molly is high maintenance.

At the end of August, on the same day that my son started Junior Kindergarten, I was informed that the national drug shortage had hit home and I wouldn't be receiving part of my chemo until further notice. They also changed my routine and I hated it. By the end of September, I was back on track.

In addition to just dealing the chemo; I've been trying to participate in my son's class activities as much as possible.

I've made quickie cards for his teachers.

There was a school-wide reading day.

I tried to do the field trip to the pumpkin patch, but just wasn't healthy enough. Luckily, my Dad took my place and I'd already paid for Gramma Camera to go as well. I still have photos and a page prepped for the album.

My son has been testing social boundaries, so I've spent as much healthy time as possible just sitting on him. Momma WILL NOT raise a bully.

Halloween was a lot of fun. Yesterday was one of my healthiest days in each cycle so I helped out with the in-class party then finished the day with an hour of trick-or-treating with a pygmie zombie.

Also, after watching his teacher organize and practice for the class' turn at all-school-mass, I've decided she needs one heck of a thank-you at Christmas time. I've started working on a few special gift tags for the upcoming season.

I've had many appointment with my oncologist. My cancer marker -- the number that basically says "how much" I've got continues to drop. When this started in April, I was at 22. As of a couple weeks ago, I'm at 0.9. I have yet another scan in a couple weeks to see what the inside scoop is; and I'm really hoping for continued good news. While I may be settled into a routine, and find a level of comfort in knowing what to expect, I'm mentally done with this nonsense and wanting to move on with life.

That's all I can think to share right now. Once I'm up out of bed, I'll work on taking pics of layouts and the like. They've become quite basic again, but I'm claiming a victory that I'm doing anything at all.

The Dealio

Good Saturday Morning! Granted, we might get some storms, soon, but I'll consider it good as long as I'm here to enjoy it....And on that cue, evidently I don't want to spend a lot of time today trying to build up to some important personal information I wanted to share.

If you need a moment to brace yourself, go ahead and take it. It's not like I'm about to say I won a billion dollars from a lottery ticket. In my weird way, I'd say it's actually better news, but that's more in a personal growth kind of way.

Okay, moment taken?

Ready?

Alright, I'm posting this information on my crafty blog because I've noticed that many crafter I appreciate -- and more importantly have begun to form a connection with -- read my blog. It seems smarter to post here then go to several other sites and post individually there.

This past Tuesday, I was diagnosed with Cancer. Yes, I'm 34 years old; wife to one amazing Rock of Gibraltar; mother to a nearly-4-year-old boy and I have cancer. I won't go into which kind because that doesn't matter. I won't go into the stage because that doesn't matter....to me.

I start chemo on Monday afternoon to shrink the tumor so the removal will be easier in a few months. As twists of fate go, one of my closest friends will be administering my chemo treatments. I've been blessed.

I won't lie to anyone or myself. I'll be up and down for the next few months. I won't apologize for not posting scrapbook pages or having Friday Finds. I honestly don't think anyone would expect me to, either. Most crafters I've met have really good heads on their shoulders and understand priorities; so I'm cool with all this.

I have one obligation that will be easy to create and fulfill. It might not make it to my blog, but if it does, know that it was a really healthy day.

For now, I'm going to go back to researching what I can do to be proactive in all of this. Sorry to lay it on you, but know that I have no intentions of leaving this rock any time soon. I'm a fighter and I want to live.

Living An Honest Life

Good Morning! Has the coffee kicked in yet? I'm still waiting for mine to do it's job. Hopefully it will soon, otherwise this may be one of the most interesting posts I've ever made!

Thank you for all the well-wishes in the past week. I really do appreciate them and have used them to fuel a big boost in my recovery. I was feeling so healthy and optimistic that I decided it was time to get crafty!.... Okay, so it was a combination of feeling healthy and needing a concrete way to give my son a message about life that he can come back to whenever he needs a reminder.

Since I've been in a creative funk, I looked around for a sketch that was simple, but still gave me a chance to add my own preferences and style.



Easy peasy lemon sqeezy, right? Thank you, Nicole Nowosad and Creative Scrappers! And what I made:



This has to be one of the flattest pages I have made in a long time; but I like it. Since I'm trying to get my groove back, it would do no good to force myself to create in a way that is not true to me right now. You could say, I wouldn't be living honestly.... In staring at it right beside me as I type, yep! I am definitely happy with this one.

Like I wrote above, I wanted to create something concrete for my young son to (hopefully) come back and re-read again and again; especially in his more challenging moments in life. This past week, he had a moment-of-choice while I was upstairs and it was just his grandmother (my mom) and himself downstairs. He convinced her to share part of her treat with him, as if THAT's ever been difficult, but it was HOW he did it that bothered me most. Evidently, he told my mom, "Now, if Mommy asks this was all my idea so you don't get in trouble."

He's not even four years old yet. Reflect on that a moment.... He's several weeks shy of turning four and he's making sure that accomplices get the story straight so Mommy won't frown. He knew for a fact that I had told him he wasn't eating anything else until he finished the peanut butter-banana-waffle-wich he had begged me to make him and then snubbed. He knew I was serious, but as soon as I was out of sight, he was out of his mind.

Reflect further on the understanding of "what goes around comes around." Twice, I have done what I could to appease my son after my husband laid down the law, making sure he understood that we didn't need to let Daddy know that we had done so. Super! I taught my child to be sneaky. But, so have my parents because this is certainly not the first time he's gotten a special treat when I've left the room.

Super....

So, I'm working on changing that. I really do want my son to live an honest life. I want him to be able to grow and stand with his shoulders squared and own all of his choices because they are the best choices he can make at the time. I wanted to type out the following sentiments on a tag that would tuck behind the photo...but I forgot that plan and adhered enough adhesive to prevent it. Hence, the rub-on journaling at the bottom.

* Tell the truth, EVEN when you know you'll be in trouble.

* "Sneaking" food is not necessary.

* Only take what you need.

* Focus on function over fun.

*Learn who you are. Accept it. Strive to enrich your strengths. Grow from your weaknesses.

* Say "yes" because you mean it; not because it will make someone else feel better.

* Same for "sorry."

* Bravely (and knowledgeably) speak in what you believe.

* Follow your heart's advice.

Surely, there are 100 other things I could have added, but space was at a premium.

I don't do Resolutions, but Goals Rock my Casbah.

Good Wednesday morning!

It's been a very long time since I have made a blog post and I really do feel guilty about that. Seriously, it's getting to the stage of guilt in which I feel so bad that I try to pretend that I never began blogging at all.... and that's not cool, is it?

I like blogging.

I like reading blogs.

I like establishing the very beginnings of relationships through blogs.

I also like the new PointsPlus program with Weight Watchers.

....and how much better I feel because of the better food choices.


I DON'T like struggling to incoporate a chunk of dedicated exercise time into each day. It's still necessary, as I've got at least 13 lbs left to remove in 2011.

I DON'T like struggling to balance exercise and paper-crafting in my week. Right now, neither is getting much attention because I'm also trying to ensure my son knows he's loved.

I also want him to be educated; pesky teaching never left my blood!



There's a lot to like and want and pay attention to in 2011, huh? There's even more that I haven't written here; but that's more likely because I'm not focusing right now....and I sense a rambling streak hitting full force. Straight to my goals, then?

In 2011, I want to:

* Practice my blogging at least once per week with a focus on segues. (see the paragraph above for my so-not-smooth moves)

* Create a dedicated 30 minutes each day for exercise.

* Complete at least one crafty project each week -- creating embellishments from scratch; scrapbook pages; cards, dimensional objects, etc.

* Remove between thirteen and 23 lbs from my body.

* Re-instill a love of fruits and veggies in my son. I feel off the healthy wagon late Fall and he decided he's never touching fruits or veggies ever again. Monkey see, Monkey do!

* Establish a schedule and curriculum to attempt educating my son at home. I'm not looking to homeschool; but we can't afford Pre School right now and our Head Start programs are packed. I don't want him to be unprepared for Kindergarten.

I have a few more goals that are personal but they're also pretty good and achievable.... I hope! On a final note, I want to welcome and thank my new followers! I did see that the number jumped up significantly over the past week and more. The recent rise in my "follow" number is one of the reasons I really want to get myself back into blogging more frequently. It hardly seems fair to make your investment and not get anything in return, does it?

Finally, a crafty moment!

Good Thursday, evening! Missed me? I know, of course you have!... Yeah, I'm a bit over-confident tonight, but I'm okay with that. I've spent the majority of the past nine days doing two things: absorbing the new PointsPlus plan from Weight Watchers AND creating plans and sub plans and surprise plans in case I had to actually leave the house for Jury Duty (dun dun duuuunnnn).

In my first five days on the new plan, I lost 3.6 pounds. For me, that's none too shabby! It also makes me want to go on for several paragraphs with how much I love this new plan; but I won't.... unless it's requested of me.

Jury Duty... Woot to the hoot that cases were never scheduled either day. If they had been, I would have gone in, of course. It's a duty. There are serious penalties for ignoring it. I'm kinda curious as to how it all works. Instead, today I made some beautiful chocolate chip cookies with my young son. Again, he wanted to help in the kitchen so he got to obsess over the vanilla bottle; crack a couple eggs and open them with guidance; gradually add the flour; count to twelve as I lumped dough onto the pans; ask me every 30 seconds if he could the spoon.

When it was all said and done, we had four dozen cookies and a promise to keep. I have a very good friend who managed to talk me calm last week. I was grateful that she took the time; used her patience and training; and took the topic without batting an eye. It was a new level to our friendship and I wanted her to know how grateful I was. Being one with paper, I couldn't simply lump a dozen cookies in a Ziploc bag and call it square. Oh, no! I had to make a little gift box for them to nestle in:







The paper is a mixture of DCWV packs.
The felt flora shadow is Prima Devines.
The butterfly was cut with my Slice many moons ago; and decorated with Prima E Line bling. I love that stuff!!!!!
The lace is from Joann's. I was on a lace kick last Spring and have so much now just hanging around.

I found the tutorial for this amazing idea on Frosted Designs. I knew instantly that this was a project I'd want to take on many times. I rather dig my first attempt; but I'd love to do so much more. This is one of those crafty projects that I'd recommend to ANYONE who sees a lot of paper crafting magic on blogs, but doesn't feel very crafty on their own. The patterned paper packs available at local stores makes it so easy to make something so quick and easy. Seriously, check out the tutorial and give it a try. Cheaper than tins, AND you don't have to figure out where to store the lump of a container, either.

Aside from this, I'm looking forward to getting back into the swing of reading my favorite blogs soon. Now that I've got a bit of a rhythm with planning and tracking my food choices during the day, there's time for that quiet joy.....Until I can kick myself into gear with plotting time for regular physical activity. OH! And the looming resolution to do a loose version of home-schooling my son until we're able to enroll him in Pre-School or Kindergarten. Ack! Thank goodness I used to be a teacher by profession or else this moutain would be waaaaay bigger than I could handle.

Maybe Clocks aren't everything.

It's almost a crying shame. Almost, but since there's too much to be happy about right now, I'll save the tears for another day.

Today, I am officially (by my standards, anyhow) fifty pounds less than I was JUST before the year began. I am one or two pounds shy of being able to say, "Hello, 180's! Where have you been?" Obviously, they took an extended vacation... and so did I. The last time I was 189.x lbs, I had been given the nod by my doctor that I was in fact pregnant with my son over four years ago. I tried to maintain that in the first trimester, knowing that it wasn't necessary to "eat for two" just yet. Morning sickness helped a bit, but the power of carbs to soothe a queasy tummy was stronger than my will power, and then I was a happy carbo camper from then on!... And, since I'm not trying to talk about ALL the weight I gained, I'll get back on my mental track.

Since I did have weight to lose (eventually) I started losing it. Fifty pounds is none-too-shabby. Soon, I'll celebrate by going out and getting a new pair of jeans; one size smaller. I'll even declare that new size to the world, once I've bought them (because I've already prepped the scrap page for my weight loss album)! Yes, I did. It's beautiful, too; just like I feel right now.

Until I go shopping, I've let my mind wander. When was the last time I was *this size*?... It had to be while I was pregnant...Which is why I have NO clothes to slip into until I do go shopping. It's also why I'm perplexed because I was *this size* wearing a specific pair of happy khaki's in my first trimester, but I could swear they are one size smaller still. So, what in hey-diddle-diddle did my body DO while I was pregnant?! If I could weigh this much and fit into smaller clothes...

Did my hips expand? (I know they do that)

Was I more muscle then? (I practically lived at the gym before learning I was pregnant)

.... Both are possible, aren't they? Both are also messing me up! What I haven't said yet, is that I used to be a walking clock. One could set their watches AND historical time lines by my body's actions and sizes. I was always predictable and perfectly mapped out. Now.... Well, in ways life is good and I choose to seek joy and sanity in those ways. However, in ways life is also one magnificent mess and I don't know if I'll ever figure out which way I'm supposed to stand again... much like I can't figure out exactly what size I'm supposed to be, simply by reading a scale. Everything that I just flat out KNEW is being called to question and I can't stand and say that it's all perfectly correct.

So, now, a lot like the clock near the front door, I'm kinda broken and in need of a little help. I don't know exactly where I'll find that help, but I've got a few starters in mind. I've also got a memory of a time when I finally just threw my hands in the air and said, "I give. I don't know it all. Help me to learn more while I take it all one step at a time."

Maybe a few of those first steps should be the most simple... Like out the door and to the mall to find a properly fitting pair of jeans, huh?