Talk About Rocks and Hard Places!

I can't decide if I'm:

A) The meanest mom ever, OR

B) A very loving mother who wants her child to feel inspired by possibility every single day.

See, there's this rock.

Much like his Momma, The Boy has a thing for collecting rocks.  Yesterday, he acquired this beauty somewhere at school.  He shared it with a classmate during recess and she returned it safely to him at the end of that break.  Cute, sweet, he's sharing and learning to trust others.  But the story doesn't end there.

The Boy and Classmate share some passion for adventure and possibility.  Upon her suggestion, he has been trying to find the treasure map secretly encoded on the surface of this rock for the past fifteen minutes.  He's carefully breathed on it.  He's given it a good bath.  He's held it up to the morning light.  I only see some really cool lines, but he thinks it might be part of the path for the treasure map.

At my core, I'm melting right now.  This is a magical age when anything can happen.  If you just believe hard enough, your dreams can come true.  It's wide-eyed wonder because everything clicks and there's SO much to learn and I just want him to be happy and optimistic and amazing forever.  It breaks my heart a little to know that at some point, solid realities will intervene and the magic won't be awe-inspiring.  He'll have to grow up; and worse, so will I.

That's not to say that I'm not mostly a grown up now.  I get the bills paid.  I get the people fed.  I keep CPS from knocking on our door.  I still seek out magic at every turn.  I pray for miracles and am truly thankful for ALL of my blessings.  Still, there's this one thing that NO ONE ever told me about parenting.  As he grows, I grow.  He has to learn how to survive and thrive as a human being -- the good and the bad -- and I have to let him.  I have to learn how to sit on my hands and watch the heartache develop and crush him.  I have to let him learn how to deal with it.  I can be there as support; to let him know that he's not alone, but he has to discover and develop the skills himself.

In this moment, I see that I have two options:

A) Start verbalizing (repeatedly, because he LOVES magic as much as I do) that it's just a rock; but we can find scientific reasons to love it, still. OR

B) While he's sleeping, I can try to paint a treasure map on this bugger and see what happens next.  Maybe we'll hunt for treasure in the backyard, because the map just happens to match it.  Maybe we find something amazing and have a memory of love to keep him going when he's a parent someday far from now.

I haven't decided, but it's going to be weighing heavy on my head and heart; even after I decide.

Surprisingly Still Kicking!

Good Tuesday evening! Guess who's still alive and kicking?! Did you miss me? Did you forget who I was and why I'm appearning on your dashboard?

I miss blogging, too. It's the norm, now, that I have a set number of down days and a whole lotta up days; though I am still fighting cancer. I feel like I want to share tons of pictures and a few crafty moments; but I also want to give you an idea of what I've been doing for the past couple/few months.

In August, I went wig shopping. I call her Molly. She is beautiful, though likely ready for her first bath. I didn't know, prior to my appointment, that she requires special shampoo.... and that I need to keep her from heat. Molly is high maintenance.

At the end of August, on the same day that my son started Junior Kindergarten, I was informed that the national drug shortage had hit home and I wouldn't be receiving part of my chemo until further notice. They also changed my routine and I hated it. By the end of September, I was back on track.

In addition to just dealing the chemo; I've been trying to participate in my son's class activities as much as possible.

I've made quickie cards for his teachers.

There was a school-wide reading day.

I tried to do the field trip to the pumpkin patch, but just wasn't healthy enough. Luckily, my Dad took my place and I'd already paid for Gramma Camera to go as well. I still have photos and a page prepped for the album.

My son has been testing social boundaries, so I've spent as much healthy time as possible just sitting on him. Momma WILL NOT raise a bully.

Halloween was a lot of fun. Yesterday was one of my healthiest days in each cycle so I helped out with the in-class party then finished the day with an hour of trick-or-treating with a pygmie zombie.

Also, after watching his teacher organize and practice for the class' turn at all-school-mass, I've decided she needs one heck of a thank-you at Christmas time. I've started working on a few special gift tags for the upcoming season.

I've had many appointment with my oncologist. My cancer marker -- the number that basically says "how much" I've got continues to drop. When this started in April, I was at 22. As of a couple weeks ago, I'm at 0.9. I have yet another scan in a couple weeks to see what the inside scoop is; and I'm really hoping for continued good news. While I may be settled into a routine, and find a level of comfort in knowing what to expect, I'm mentally done with this nonsense and wanting to move on with life.

That's all I can think to share right now. Once I'm up out of bed, I'll work on taking pics of layouts and the like. They've become quite basic again, but I'm claiming a victory that I'm doing anything at all.

The Dealio

Good Saturday Morning! Granted, we might get some storms, soon, but I'll consider it good as long as I'm here to enjoy it....And on that cue, evidently I don't want to spend a lot of time today trying to build up to some important personal information I wanted to share.

If you need a moment to brace yourself, go ahead and take it. It's not like I'm about to say I won a billion dollars from a lottery ticket. In my weird way, I'd say it's actually better news, but that's more in a personal growth kind of way.

Okay, moment taken?

Ready?

Alright, I'm posting this information on my crafty blog because I've noticed that many crafter I appreciate -- and more importantly have begun to form a connection with -- read my blog. It seems smarter to post here then go to several other sites and post individually there.

This past Tuesday, I was diagnosed with Cancer. Yes, I'm 34 years old; wife to one amazing Rock of Gibraltar; mother to a nearly-4-year-old boy and I have cancer. I won't go into which kind because that doesn't matter. I won't go into the stage because that doesn't matter....to me.

I start chemo on Monday afternoon to shrink the tumor so the removal will be easier in a few months. As twists of fate go, one of my closest friends will be administering my chemo treatments. I've been blessed.

I won't lie to anyone or myself. I'll be up and down for the next few months. I won't apologize for not posting scrapbook pages or having Friday Finds. I honestly don't think anyone would expect me to, either. Most crafters I've met have really good heads on their shoulders and understand priorities; so I'm cool with all this.

I have one obligation that will be easy to create and fulfill. It might not make it to my blog, but if it does, know that it was a really healthy day.

For now, I'm going to go back to researching what I can do to be proactive in all of this. Sorry to lay it on you, but know that I have no intentions of leaving this rock any time soon. I'm a fighter and I want to live.

I don't do Resolutions, but Goals Rock my Casbah.

Good Wednesday morning!

It's been a very long time since I have made a blog post and I really do feel guilty about that. Seriously, it's getting to the stage of guilt in which I feel so bad that I try to pretend that I never began blogging at all.... and that's not cool, is it?

I like blogging.

I like reading blogs.

I like establishing the very beginnings of relationships through blogs.

I also like the new PointsPlus program with Weight Watchers.

....and how much better I feel because of the better food choices.


I DON'T like struggling to incoporate a chunk of dedicated exercise time into each day. It's still necessary, as I've got at least 13 lbs left to remove in 2011.

I DON'T like struggling to balance exercise and paper-crafting in my week. Right now, neither is getting much attention because I'm also trying to ensure my son knows he's loved.

I also want him to be educated; pesky teaching never left my blood!



There's a lot to like and want and pay attention to in 2011, huh? There's even more that I haven't written here; but that's more likely because I'm not focusing right now....and I sense a rambling streak hitting full force. Straight to my goals, then?

In 2011, I want to:

* Practice my blogging at least once per week with a focus on segues. (see the paragraph above for my so-not-smooth moves)

* Create a dedicated 30 minutes each day for exercise.

* Complete at least one crafty project each week -- creating embellishments from scratch; scrapbook pages; cards, dimensional objects, etc.

* Remove between thirteen and 23 lbs from my body.

* Re-instill a love of fruits and veggies in my son. I feel off the healthy wagon late Fall and he decided he's never touching fruits or veggies ever again. Monkey see, Monkey do!

* Establish a schedule and curriculum to attempt educating my son at home. I'm not looking to homeschool; but we can't afford Pre School right now and our Head Start programs are packed. I don't want him to be unprepared for Kindergarten.

I have a few more goals that are personal but they're also pretty good and achievable.... I hope! On a final note, I want to welcome and thank my new followers! I did see that the number jumped up significantly over the past week and more. The recent rise in my "follow" number is one of the reasons I really want to get myself back into blogging more frequently. It hardly seems fair to make your investment and not get anything in return, does it?

Thoughts On God -- more scrappy than religious!

Good afternoon! I'd think of a more clever opening, but my three-year-old is also telling me (from ten feet away) that he's hammering in Mr. Potato Head's eyes with his toy hammer. Since we're trying to teach him (again)that it IS okay to play independently every now and then, I'm betting I'm going to be fairly well distracted while trying to put this blog together. Since I've been putting off this blog all week due to teaching him that he can play alone, I can't keep putting it off for another day. What I find most entertaining about the whole scenario is that he plays a large role in today's post. In order to write about him, I have to get him to do something else.

Am I the only one scratching their head over this?

I digress. I had a point today; and that was to share a short story, some thoughts and a scrappy page about my son and Higher Powers.

It all started with an early morning walk in the neighborhood. Since he's been able to walk well, we've taken many walks like this; even when temps have hit above 90. From birth until he could walk well, we would go for at least one stroll everyday that I wasn't called into work. When he cut teeth, we spent as much time outside of the house as possible. He finds some sort of comfort and peace outdoors as do I; and it's usually the best way to get us both happy when he gets crazy and I get tense. Last week, he and I had another one of "those" moments around 8:00 AM. I quickly chucked him out the door and strapped on his shoes to help us both calm down. It was a nice morning; full of blue skies and cool breezes. Out of nowhere, he started asking me about God.

Where is God?

Where does he live?

Is he really in that tree?

What about that acorn?

Why is he in the acorn?

Is he in the sidewalk?

Mom, my feet hurt. It's time to go home.

I think the big inspiration behind his questions came from the many conversations I had with my friend, Mel, in Georgia. She is Baptist (although, at one time I thought she was Methodist). I am Catholic. Despite the finite details that allowed for the sectioning off in Christianity, we both share many key beliefs. Though neither of us can claim frequent attendance to weekly services, we both still believe in God. We both believe that God is an entity with whom we can discuss our hopes, failings and means toward improvement. We both believe it's important to thank God early and often for all the blessings we have received. Because we share these details, we talked frequently and openly about them. It's an experience my son has rarely witnessed at home.

...........Only now does this strike me as odd and something new to reflect upon. Huh...

Well, since one string of conversations had led to another, between my son and I, I couldn't help but do two things. The first was to take a less-than-spectacular photo of our shadows with my camera phone.

The other was to immediately recall the song, Counting Blue Cars, by Dishwalla.




I also spent a few hours settling into the inspiration for a page to add to my son's three-year-old album:



Putting the page together was inspired by a few August Challenges at Pages In Time.

*First and foremost, the Pile It On Challenge, as posed by 2amscrapper. For this I needed to combine two other challenges and a special twist into my design.

*I needed to follow the rules for the Fantasy Challenge, as posed by Maggie White, in which I needed to:
The title of you LO should be a movie title or a song title -- Counting Blue Cars.

I would like to see some layers on the page and flowers and bling. To do this I used the July 30 Thursday Sketch, which allowed for plenty of layers (all Cosmo Cricket). I also chose to break back into my beloved Prima stash for two of the flowers, while making the large flower by hand. The stems on the three flowers were made with Prima E-Line bling.

*I also needed to follow the guidelines for Barbara Lochridge's Pretty Punch Challenge: use at least 2 punches. The photo corners and the top layer of the hand-made flower were created from two of the three punches that I own. I never got into collecting punches for all the space they take up, but I was happy I had at least enough for this.

*The twist was to create a flower from one of two tutorials in the Handmade embellishment group. I chose the pinwheel tutorial. It's pretty obvious that it's my first attempt at this kind of flower, but I had fun dolling it up with glimmer mist and a few drops of Glossy Accents. I read on a blog by Scraplicious that I could use the medium to create water-droplets.

It took me some time to get this posted, so.... If you were able to read, thank you!